On Taste, Learning, and Self-Expression as a Performance

I was scrolling through Youtube while eating pho, and I found this pretty cool video by @berrohn on Youtube.

In the video, Berrohn talks about the idea of taste as a performance, specifically for movie lovers. He details how, for many, a simple love for movies turns into a more complex and less honest activity of analysis and critique for other people’s benefits. This is a phenomenon that I think most people who really enjoy movies have experienced. There’s this feeling that if you truly enjoy something, you must be critically analyzing that thing; or at least experiencing that thing in a different way. People who drink wine casually like the taste of wine; wine connoisseurs might pay special attention to aspects like the bouquet and the legs of the drink. People who casually watch movies might pay attention to the plot, or cool camera movements; self-proclaimed cinephiles might pay more attention to things like composition, blocking, and tone. People who casually play basketball might be focused on putting the ball in the hoop; real hoop watchers might be more focused on things like jab steps, gortat screens, and hunting specific shots with high expected value. Of course, these aren’t hard and fast rules. More importantly, I’m not trying to argue that the above phenomenon is a bad thing—it’s a sweet thing in life to fall more in love with a hobby or skill, and to learn more as you fall deeper in love. But I would argue—as would Berrohn—that sometimes this phenomenon can result in engaging with your favourite things for the sake of performance.

I think, on some level, people engage with their interests to define themselves. An aspiring software engineer might get into rock climbing, not just because they like rock climbing, but because they are a software engineer and software engineers rock climb. By rock climbing, the rock climber can say something about themselves—can define and customize themselves, or mold themselves into the person they want to be. Is this a dishonest way of engaging with interests?

I think once you start thinking critically about your interests like this, you can’t stop. Every action you take can be seen as some form of self-communication, as sending some form of message to others; as a performance. And I think when everything is a performance, then nothing truly is. Every move one makes is, unconsciously, a signal of something about yourself. Whether inadvertent or not, it’s impossible to divorce yourself from this idea, and so it becomes way more palatable and guilt-free to indulge in your interests again. If I can think of my interests in this way, both “uncompetitively” and slightly performatively, i think I can continue to enjoy myself. It’s ok if I am performative. Just a little.

As an aside I’ve been listening to this song a lot.